Hey there! You’re obviously here for some cow jokes, and trust me, you’re in for a treat. This list of 80+ funny cow jokes has everything you need for a good laugh—quirky cow puns cow jokes, snappy cow jokes one liners, and even a few knock-knock cow jokes to share with friends. Whether you’re looking for giggles with cow jokes for kids or just want a mood boost, these jokes are udderly hilarious. Let’s dive right into the fun!
Funny Cow Jokes
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- Interviewer: How much amount of milk does your cow produce?
Farmer: which one, black one or white one?Interviewer: Black one
Farmer: 2 litres per day.
Interviewer: And the white one?
Farmer: 2 litres per day.
Interviewer : Where do they sleep?
Farmer: The Black one or the. White one?
Interviewer: The black one
Farmer : In the Barn
Interviewer: And the White one?
Farmer: In the Barn
Interviewer: Your cows look healthy… What do
you feed them?
Farmer: which one..black one or white one?
Interviewer: Black one
Farmer: Grass
Interviewer: And the white one?
Farmer: Grass
Interviewer: (Annoyed
) but why do you keep on asking if the black one or the white one when your answers are just the same??
Farmer: Because the black one is mine.
Interviewer: And the white one?
Farmer: Its also mine. - What’s the difference between 9/11 and a cow?
Can’t milk a cow for 21 years.
- A man walks into a bar and the bartender says, “Hey, you can’t come in here with a cow!”
The man says, “This is a special cow. You can drink all night, take one sip of what comes outta this thing, and you won’t be hungover.”
“You’re lying,” says the bartender.
“Only one way to find out,” says the man. “Let me buy you a few shots.”
The man and the bartender proceed to get drunk all the way past close, laughing, having a good time, and knowing they’re gonna feel horrible the next day.
Finally, the bartender, says, “Alright, we gotta shut. Give me some of that anti-hangover milk!”
The man says, “I have good news and bad news.”
“I knew it!” said the bartender. “You lied to me! That thing doesn’t prevent hangovers!”
“Oh, that’s the good news,” says the man. “It definitely prevents hangovers.”
“So what’s the bad news?” asks the bartender.
The man says, “Actually, that’s a bull.” - The only cow in a small town in USA stopped giving milk.
The only cow in a small town in USA stopped giving milk. The people did some research and found that they could buy a cow from BC Canada for 1,000 dollars, or one from Alberta Canada for 800 dollars. Being poor, they bought the cow from Alberta. The cow was wonderful.
Long
It produced lots of milk all the time, and the people were amazed and very happy. They decided to acquire a bull to mate with the cow and produce more cows like it. Then they would never have to worry about the milk supply again.They bought a bull and put it in the pasture with their beloved cow. However, whenever the bull came close to the cow, the cow would move away. No matter what approach the bull tried, the cow would move away from the bull and he could not succeed in his quest. The people were very upset and decided to ask the rabbi, who was very wise, what to do.They told the rabbi what was happening; “Whenever the bull approaches our cow, she moves away. If he approaches from the back, she moves forward. When he approaches her from the front, she backs off. An approach from the side and she just walks away to the other side.” The rabbi thought about this for a minute and asked, “Did you buy this cow from Alberta?” The people were dumbfounded. They had never mentioned where they had gotten the cow. “You are truly a wise rabbi. How did you know we got the cow from Alberta?”The rabbi answered sadly, “My wife is from Alberta.”
- A woman is milking a cowA woman is milking a cow when an angry bull busts loose and goes charging across the field straight for her.
A farmhand sees what is happening and starts yelling and waving his arms to warn her. The bull is charging, the farmhand is screaming his head off, but the woman just keeps milking the cow. At the last moment before she is trampled and gored, the bull checks up, lowers his head, and skulks off in another direction while she keeps on milking.Seeing this, the astonished farmhand runs up and says, “Wow! I thought you were dead for sure! Weren’t you afraid of that bull?”And she says, “I would have been, but this cow is his mother in law.”
- I yelled “COW!” at a woman on bike
I yelled “COW!” at a woman on a bike, she flipped me off and then ran straight into the cow.I tried! - What do you call a cow with 3 legs?
Lean beef.What do you call a cow with no legs?Ground beef.What do you call a cow with two legs?
Yo momma.
- A farmer has dozens of cows and two bulls
A farmer has dozens of cows and two bulls, but both bulls are too old to mate anymore.One day the famer brings a third bull into the field. The new bull is much younger than the other two, and immediately starts mating with cow after cow.When the old bulls see this, one of them starts huffing, snorting, and scraping the ground with his hoof.“Don’t bother competing with that guy,” says the other old bull. “You’re too old. He’d laugh at you.”
“I’m not trying to compete with him,” replies the first old bull. “I just want him to know I’m not a cow.”
- What do you get if you cross a cow with an octopus?An immediate cessation of funding and a stern rebuke from the ethics committee
- I told my daughter, “Go to bed, the cows are sleeping in the field.”
I told my daughter, “Go to bed, the cows are sleeping in the field.” Puzzled, she asked, “What’s that got to do with anything?” I chuckled, “Well, that means…”
“It’s pasture bedtime!” - Two cows are grazing in a field. One cow turns to the other and says, “Hey, Dorris, are you worried about this mad cow disease epidemic?” The other cow looks at her and replies, “Why should I be? I’m a chicken!”
- A farmer is counting his cows. He’s using a special device to help him keep track. His neighbor asks, “What’s that you’re using?” The farmer replies, “It’s a cowculator! It helps me count my cattle without losing track.” The neighbor laughs and says, “I guess you’re really milking it for all it’s worth!”
- A cow walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender looks at her and says, “We don’t serve your kind here.” The cow replies, “Why not? I just want to moo-ve on with my life!” The bartender shakes his head and says, “Sorry, but you’ll have to hoof it somewhere else.”
- One day, a cow was feeling particularly philosophical. She stood in the field and pondered life. Another cow approached her and asked, “What are you thinking about?” The first cow replied, “I’m just trying to understand my purpose in life.” The second cow said, “Well, I think we’re here to provide milk and beef.” The first cow sighed and said, “I guess that makes us udderly important!”
- A group of cows is discussing their favorite movies. One cow says, “I love ‘The Cow Whisperer’! It really speaks to me.” Another one chimes in with enthusiasm, “I prefer ‘Seabiscuit’—it’s such an inspiring story!” Finally, the quietest cow adds shyly, “I like ‘Moo-ving Violations’ because it reminds me of home.”
- A young calf goes to his mother and asks, “Mom, what do you call a cow with no legs?” The mother replies with a chuckle, “Ground beef!” The calf giggles and then asks, “What about a cow with two legs?” The mother smiles and says, “Lean beef!” The calf laughs harder and says, “You’re so funny!”
- A farmer was having trouble with his cows getting out of the pasture. He decided to put up a new fence but was unsure how to do it properly. He called his friend for advice. His friend said, “Just make sure you steer clear of any weak spots!” The farmer replied, “Thanks! I’ll make sure this fence is udderly secure!”
- At a talent show for animals, a cow decides to perform magic tricks. She trots onto the stage and begins pulling carrots out of her hat. The audience is amazed! After her performance, one of the judges asks how she learned such tricks. The cow replies proudly, “It’s all about practice; I’ve been horsing around with magic for years!”
- A cow is sitting in a field when another cow approaches her and asks, “Why do you look so sad?” The first cow sighs and says, “I just found out that my best friend is being sent to the butcher.” The second cow tries to cheer her up by saying, “Don’t worry! At least you won’t have to worry about mad cow disease anymore!”
- Two cows are standing by the fence when one says to the other, “Did you hear about the mad cow disease?” The other replies, “No! What about it?” The first one says, “Well, I’m not worried; I’m a penguin!”
Cow jokes for kids
- Why do cows wear bells?
Because their horns don’t work! - What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef! - Why did the cow go to outer space?
To see the moooon! - What do you call a cow that can play a musical instrument?
A moo-sician! - Why did the cow get a promotion?
Because she was outstanding in her field! - What do you call a cow that just gave birth?
De-calf-inated! - How does a cow introduce itself?
“Moo, I’m Bessie!” - What do you call a cow that tells jokes?
A punny cow! - Why did the cow cross the road?
To get to the udder side! - What do you call a cow that’s always telling stories?
A tale-telling moo-er! - What did the farmer say after he lost his tractor?
“Where’s my tractor?” - Why don’t cows have any money?
Because the farmers milk them dry! - What do you call a cow that loves to dance?
A moo-ver and shaker! - How do cows stay up to date with current events?
They read the moos-paper! - Why did the cow join a gym?
To get in shape for the udder competition!and also checkout 80+ Funny Horse JokesFunny cow jokes one-liners
- What’s a cow’s favorite type of math?
Moo-thematics! - What do cows like to do on their vacations?
Go to moo-niciple parks! - Why did the cow become an astronaut?
Because she wanted to see space and stars—moo-nlight style! - What’s a cow’s favorite game?
Moo-tionary! - Why did the cow go to school?
To improve her “moo”-ral skills! - What do you call a cow that can’t stop laughing?
A silly moo-d! - How do cows communicate with each other?
Through moos-ic and moo-vies! - What did one cow say to another during a breakup?
“I’m udderly heartbroken!” - Why did the cow sit down at the bar?
Because she wanted to have a few mooo-tinis! - How does a farmer count his cows?
With a cow-culator! - What kind of car does a cow drive?
A mooo-bile! - Why did the butcher get kicked out of school?
Because he kept cutting class! - What do you call it when cows have a party?
A moo-sical event! - How does a cow apologize?
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to stirrup trouble!” - What is a cow’s favorite instrument?
The moos-ical saw!Cow Puns cow jokes
- Why was the cow so good at poker?
Because she always knew how to bluff her way through! - What do you call a cow that loves math jokes?
A punny bovine! - How does a cow ask for food at dinner time?
“Moo-ve over, I’m hungry!” - Why was the dairy farmer so successful?
Because he had great cream of the crop ideas! - What did the farmer say when he lost his cows in the fog?
“Where are my moos?” - How does a cow greet its friends?
“Moo-ving along nicely, thank you!” - Why was the milk so unhappy at work?
It felt like it was just getting churned around all day. - What do cows use for their online meetings?
Moo-zoom! - Why are cows such bad secret agents?
Because they always milk their cover! - How does a cow keep track of its appointments?
With its moo-bile calendar!Knock knock cow jokes
- What do you call an angry cow?
A beefed-up bovine! - Why don’t cows ever get lost?
Because they always follow their moooo-d! - What happens when cows stop working out?
They become out of shape and start feeling udderly tired! - How do cows like their coffee served?
With plenty of cream and sugar, please! - Why did the farmer bring his cows to class on Friday?
Because it was Moo-sic day! - What did one dairy farmer say to another during lunch break?
“Let’s have some udder fun!” - Where do cows go when they want to relax and unwind?
To their favorite moo-spa! - Why did the farmer give his cows an award at work?
Because they were outstanding in their field! - What do you call a cow that can’t stop singing?
A moo-sician! - Why did the cow go to the concert?
Because she heard it was going to be a mooo-sical event!Cow Jokes one liners
- What do you call a cow that loves to tell stories?
A mooo-ralist! - Why did the cow apply for a job at the bakery?
Because she wanted to make some dough! - What do you call a cow that plays the trumpet?
A moo-sician with brass! - Why did the cow take a nap in the field?
Because she was feeling udderly exhausted! - What do cows say when they’re surprised?
“Moo-ve over, I didn’t see that coming!” - How do cows celebrate their birthdays?
With a big moo-tacular party! - What did the cow say to her friend who was feeling down?
“Don’t worry, just keep moo-ving forward!” - Why did the cow join a band?
Because she wanted to play some moo-sic! - What do you call a cow that tells knock-knock jokes?
A moo-rific comedian! - Why did the cow get kicked out of the bar?
Because she kept moo-ving around too much and causing a ruckus!
- Interviewer: How much amount of milk does your cow produce?
We hope you had a great time laughing with these cow jokes! Did any of them make you laugh out loud, or do you have a favorite? We’d love to hear from you—drop a comment below and let us know which joke you liked the most. And if these jokes brought a smile to your face, don’t forget to share them with friends and family. After all, laughter is always better when shared!