Emilia John Two delicate blossoms of Southern femininity, one from Mississippi and the other from Texas, were conversing on the porch swing of a large white-pillared mansion. The Mississippian said, “When my first child was born, my husband built this beautiful mansion for me.” The Texan lady commented, “Well, isn’t that nice?” The lady from Mississippi continued, … Read more
A man had three beautiful girlfriends but didn’t know which one to marry. As a test, he decided to give each woman $5,000 to see how they would spend it.The first girlfriend went out and got herself a complete makeover, She told him, “I spent the money so I could look pretty for you because … Read more
The nun teaching Sunday School was speaking to her class one morning and she asked the question: “When you die and go to Heaven… which part of your body goes first?” Suzy raised her hand and said “I think it’s your hands.” “Why do you think it’s your hands, Suzy?” Suzy replied “Because when you … Read more
A lady walks into the pro shop to complain about bee stings while she is golfing. The pro asks: “where’d you get stung?” “Between the first and second hole”, she answers. The pro replied: “your stance is too wide”.
Two nuns are tasked with painting a bedroom. They are concerned about getting paint all over their outfits, so they lock themselves inside and str*p out of them and begin painting in their und*rwear. All is going well until there is a knock at the door. “Who is it?” They ask. “Blind man,” is the … Read more
She gets out of bed and puts on her shoes. As she’s walking down the hallway to the convent kitchen, another nun looks at her, smiles and says, “Someone got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning!” She thought this was a bit odd, but decides to ignore it and keeps on … Read more
A blonde drops her dress off at the dry cleaners. “Thank you” said the assistant “come again” Blonde “No” said the blonde “it’s toothpaste this time”
An old man finds a c=nd=m in his grandson’s apartment and asks what it is. “It’s a c=nd=m,” replies the grandson, sheepishly. “What do you use it for?” asks Grandpa. The grandson is embarrassed, so he says, “I use it to keep my cigarettes dry when I smoke in the rain.” Grandpa says, “That’s a … Read more
Two priests decided to go to Hawaii on vacation. They were determined to make this a real vacation by not wearing anything that would identify them as clergy. As soon as the plane landed they headed for a store and bought some really outrageous shorts, shirts, sandals, sunglasses. The next morning they went to the … Read more
How He knows that man is single? A man is buying a banana, an apple and two eggs. The cashier says: “you must be single” The man replied: “Wow how did you know that ?” Cashier: “ Because you’re ugly”